Kelly over at Kelly's Korner had a great idea by making today's Show Us Your Life about all the wonderful single people in our lives.
Now, clearly I am married, quite happily I might add, and I'm not dating. However, I've only been married for about two years and it wasn't that long ago that I was dating. My husband and I met when we were both fairly older than most newlyweds and established. That being said, we had both been in the dating game for quite awhile.
And, I'll be the first to admit when I was in my early twenties I spent WAY too much time trying to be who a particular boy I liked wanted me to be. At about the age of 28 I realized these things:
I could only be my best self by being myself. Truly being myself. - This means I had to stop pretending to like things I really didn't. Stop not speaking up about things that were important to me. Be myself. My weird, loud, quirky self that God made me to be. Because, the right man for me would appreciate all of those things.
That it was OK if someone didn't like me. - I mean, you can't please everyone, right? And, it's okay if some guy you think is "your type" doesn't get you. We aren't made to be compatible with everyone.
That while I thought I was ready to be in a relationship, perhaps he wasn't ready for me yet. - I learned to pray for this. To pray that I was ready to be in a truly fulfilling relationship and that I should pray for my future husband to be as well. (Small side note: My husband and I actually met before we "met". I was recovering from a bad breakup and truly believe we didn't click then because God knew the timing was wrong.)
That every first date deserves a second date. - You might all roll your eyes at this one and at one point I would have too. But, I'll tell you this - my husband won me over on our second date. And, our first date was a typical first date. A little uncomfortable, a little awkward and a little bit interview-ish. And, had I not had this rule for myself, I likely would not have gone on that second date. (Don't worry, he knows all this. And, still loves me.)
And, yes, I know this sounds like I'm trying to tell you single gals how to date. I'm not. I'm only tell you what worked for me in terms of being okay with who I am and being open to look past first impressions. I truly do wish you all could find a man as right for you as my husband is for me.
Married ladies, what other advice would you offer the single ladies (and gentlemen) in your lives?
2 comments:
I wish I had "how to find Mr. Right" advice, but I just don't. I met my husband in eighth grade and started dating in 12th, and that's just not normal!
I have lots of basic relationship advice, such as: If he makes you cry (and not in a good way, like, I'm going to miss you so much while you're gone for two months), dump him. If he makes you cry now, he will make you cry harder two years from now. Also, if dating is hard, dump him. While no relationship is perfect, if you don't get along now and fight a lot now, you're going to get along and fight even more when you're married. Maybe that sounds the same thing as my crying rule, but it could be different. A friend of mine's boyfriend says mean, hurtful things to her. That's what I mean. Ok. I'm rambling! Time to stop!
I love your list. That's such good advice. Kent and I found each other when we were still very young and married young as well. It was right for us from the start. We dated for four years before marrying and during those four years we never questioned our care, love, or dedication to one another. I think this set a tough example for his siblings, though, especially his sister who this March will have seen two brothers marry basically right out of college. I think what you say about thinking your ready for a relationship, when maybe your guy isn't quite ready for you is important. There is no love timeline. There is no standard for when you are supposed to meet someone and fall in love. If you take care of yourself, stay secure in who you are, and make yourself available to meet new and interesting people, then in time, he'll come, and you'll be ready. I think the most important thing is... Don't rush it just because you think it's "your time" or "the next step"
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