Working Mom

I'm obviously too late to link up with Kelly's blog on this one, but I wanted to share some of my thoughts all the same.

You know how you go through life and you think you know how you'll react to certain situations?

Well, I always, always thought I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I remember in my twenties thinking I would make whatever sacrifices I needed to be able to stay home. I would drive a clunker of a car and give up cable and eating out. You get the idea right?

And, then I got pregnant. And, we talked about it. But, I didn't quit my job. I wanted to leave my options open to return just in case I decided to. I mean, we never really know what we want to do until it's upon us, right? So, I scheduled my leave and even my HR contact told me to take all of my time 

So, I did. And, I can't say if the circumstances of my bed rest and subsequent hospitalization or her being in the NICU or what gave me time to think about all of my so called expectations. But, let's just say, they all got thrown out the window since the only thing about my giving birth that was like I pictured was that we ended up parents.(That's another post for another day)

So, I came back to work after 11 weeks away (I saved a week for the holidays since I originally thought I'd still be on leave then) and found it really wasn't so bad.

I had kind of prepared myself to be overwhelmed with guilt and anxiety about leaving her, but I really wasn't. I mean, I had days where I missed her more than normal, sure, but I think knowing and liking her daycare was key.

And, I'm not going to lie, there's a part of me that feels a little guilty that I don't feel guilty. Does that make sense?  Like when people ask me if it was "so hard to leave her" and I honestly reply, "no, not too bad".

I will also add that me being back to work makes it crucial to have a routine (not necessarily a schedule, since we all know babies will laugh at that idea), which I think is good for all of us. When you have to be places at certain times there is not much room for deviation and I think its helped me to be working so I am forced to be wise about my time. It's helped me to really cherish the time when we get home in the evenings to when we put Julia to bed for the night.

 (This is often the sweetest moment of my day.)

And, while it's only been a few months so far, I might venture to say it's helped me to really lean on my husband and for me to not feel like want to do it all myself. I know a lot of moms feel like it isn't right if it isn't perfect, but I'm finding a lot of charm in the differences between how the two of us do things. It's good for all of us.

Are there days I wish I stayed home with her? Absolutely! But, right now, I'm good with our choices. I know so many of you don't have a choice, but I would remind some of you who lean towards judging working moms that some of of us DO choose to. For us. And, for our families.

What about you? Are you a working mom? I'd love to get in touch with others who are since it can feel somewhat like all of the bloggers out there stay at home with their children.