The longer I'm a mom the more perspective I get on how things went for us and the delivery and first few months. It's no joke that your in the haze of emotion and trying so hard to do the best you can, when you really don't have a clue what to do at all. And, one of the areas I find that I'm still most sensitive about is breastfeeding and all the "advice" I got while trying to be successful.
I wasn't successful, but I'm okay with it because I feel like so very much of it was things I could not avoid or foresee.
Most of you know that Julia was premature. Not by a lot (in terms of prematurity), but by enough to matter. What I'm saying is I didn't get to attend the classes I wanted to (I was actually still a patient myself) and read the books I had planned. Instead I pumped for two and a half weeks until she came home. We thought she was nursing well in the NICU, but it turns out she wasn't. She had a tongue tie, but we didn't know that until she was almost six weeks old.
And, all the while we supplemented (which, of course, was started in the NICU once she began eating). And, I pumped. I pumped at every feeding for two months. I pumped after nursing. I pumped when I missed a feeding. I pumped when I would be away from her during a feeding. I felt like I was strapped to the pump. Which is exhausting.
But, my point is this: It's okay to stop nursing or to never start. Looking back, I wish I hadn't spent so much time/ money/ effort/ emotions on the whole process. There's so much that screams, "this is the best for your baby and you aren't doing all you can if you give up". Give up being key words. Why is it giving up? Why isn't it just stopping?
I mean, doesn't all of parenting just come down to choices we make. My husband let me make the choice about when to stop, but he was supportive of whatever I decided to do. And, don't we all try to make the choices we feel are best? Does any parent make a choice thinking it's harmful in any way?
I write this because I've had more strangers than I'm comfortable with ask about how I (we) feed her. It's none of your business!!!
I'll say it again just to drive the point home. It's okay to feed your baby formula. And, I'll be the second (my husband would be the first) to say that breastfeeding is not free like books and people would have you believe. Ha! On the contrary, we spent a lot of money trying to be successful. When you add up the pump, the supplements, the lactation consultant, the surgery, the hospital pump rentals, the creams and pads and bras, etc. it was a lot of money.
I now know in my head the reason I was so hell bent on being successful was because I felt like in some way I should have stayed pregnant longer so she would have been full term. (Like I had any control over that.) Or that pumping was the only thing I could do while she was in the hospital. But, now that I'm on the other side of it I know I just couldn't keep up due to other circumstances. That I have no control over.
I hope that hospitals continue to be baby friendly and promote breastfeeding. But, I also hope that we'll all be a bit more mom friendly and not make new mothers feel like they are somehow failing if they choose not to. It's a choice. Let's support each other in those choices. Please?
4 comments:
Great post!!! I've had all of the same thoughts & emotions regarding prematurity & breastfeeding. I feel like I could have written this myself!
It is so weird how people get SO extra judgy and preachy on this issue. It is such a personal decision. Each mom has to do what is right for her! I don't have any children yet, and I'd love to breastfeed if I can, but if not, it will be ok. Why do people think it is ok to ask a mom whether or not they BF? It is a private matter.
The thing that gets me the most is the fact that there is not a SINGLE [legitimate] longitudinal study that can prove whether or not bf or formula is better over the course of a lifetime. Not a one. Every study out there purporting to claim that type of data has been successfully refuted. Long story short, your baby will be no healthier or less healthy long term with formula.
People need to mind their own business. Keep being the great mom that you are!
As someone who only breastfeeds, I have to say that I really enjoyed this post. I've had friends who formula-feed who were really worried that I would judge them because of their choice. Not so. If you're providing for your child, feeding her, loving her, and you tried your best (as you obviously did!) then what more can a person say about that? Just enjoy your sweet little girl and relish in the fact that your hubs can take over some of those middle-of-the-night feedings :-)
Well said friend. I'm not quite ready (I mean, who is) for babies, but following your journey is teaching me little by little and I just wanted you to know I appreciate what you share with us!
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