So, I need some advice.
Here's the background: My husband and I joined a small group at church in January of last year. I was going through RCIA (The conversion to Catholicism in case you didn't know) and we wanted to get more involved at the church and meet more people similar to us. The coordinator who places people called me to ask if we minded if two of the other couples had small children. We said no, we didn't really mind. (I mean, someday we'll have small children as well.) One of the other couples has since had a baby as well.
Fast forward to today and we're pretty frustrated since most of the group is always late to our meetings, the kids are present and quite a distraction. (Which I will admit I didn't think they would be there that often. I'm not sure why, but I guess I didn't think it was a family affair when I thought of bible study.) And, our group has grown from four couples to six and it's getting hard to share since we don't know the new members as well.
We need advice on how to approach the others about respecting the purpose of the group more. I don't think it's fair to say kids aren't welcome, but I'm wondering if we are the only ones who find them a distraction. And, since we've added dinner to the mix it feels like we spend more time socializing and eating than on the material.
We want to give it an honest effort to improve before we look for another group as we do like these people a lot, but we don't feel like it's meeting our needs as it is now.
Has anyone been in a situation similar to this? Have any suggestions?
7 comments:
My suggestion would be to discuss this with the coordinator who placed you first. He/she might be able to say something without getting you involved, without the other couples ever knowing you are uncomfortable. Or, he/she may know that this is common for people with kids, and may suggest you go ahead and switch groups. I'm sorry this is happening, wish you all the luck!!
It sounds like you want to get plugged into a group with other couples like yourselves (maybe without kids, or with grown kids). As far as our small-group goes, we like variety and honestly we have brought our son occasionally when we don't have a babysitter. Maybe try to be more open-minded for the next group? I am a very flexible/go-with-the-flow type of person so it's easy for me to say, but maybe harder for others. That does sound very frustrating though! Be patient. It will take time to get to that point when you'll feel comfortable enough to share with the other couples! when the time is right, I hope everyone in your group can be open with each other! That's very important I think. We like to have a good mix of getting to know everyone/sharing what's going on in our lives and having more of a study/question time. But anyways, I don't think they should bring their kids every week! Maybe someone could ask for a teen in the youth group to come entertain the kids?
Oh, I don't have any advice on this situation other than to pray and I will pray! But I found your blog through beantown prep and wanted to stop by and say hello! I hope everything turns out! xoe
I'm with Amy - I think talking to the coordinator is a great idea. Our church always offers child care during small groups, so we never have this problem. It'd be so rough if all the kids were there with us! Praying for you!
I say you should suggest a schedule. Maybe to your bible study first and then dinner after. Or maybe ask what time bedtime is for the kids and suggest that you start bible study after.
I agree that you should speak with the coordinator. If the parish is small, it might be difficult to find others in your same situation. I also like what Michelle suggested about a schedule. It sounds like your biggest problem is that you are in a group with the intention of bible study and some of the others might possibly see it as a social/bible study group. This happens alot when kids start arriving.
I really think you would be happiest in a young marrieds group as opposed to a young families one. Hopefully, your parrish has a group that is a better fit.
Let us know how it goes. I think it's fantastic that you and your husband are doing this together. Good luck!
This does sound frustrating. I agree with the other comments that perhaps you could approach the coordinator about it?
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