Timeshare H*ll

So, one thing that deserved its own post from our vacation was our timeshare story. Here's the setup:

Friday Afternoon:
Walking down Main Street in Sedona. Keep in mind from the previous post that the husband and I had on our University of Oregon shirts. (Aww, we matched, how cute!)

Timeshare Front Lady: Hey, did you go to Oregon?

Husband: No, we just vacationed there. Do you know where we can find the Kodak Jeep tours?

TFL: I'm from Oregon. (blah, blah, blah) Wow, haven't heard of those guys in a long time. How are you enjoying Sedona? How long are you here for?

H: Yeah, we got a suggestion that they're a good Jeep tour to take. We're interested in their trip.

TFL: Oh, how many in your group. (Does some math and comes up with this great price.)

H: Wow, that's a deal. What's the catch?

TFL: Well just 90 minutes of your time. Do you golf?

H: Not really. What's the catch?

TFL: Just a presentation at our resort and golf club just outside town.

Enter our friends, who are also skeptical. This conversation goes on for a bit She asks our age, income, and other stuff. Yada, Yada, Yada. (I'm telling you this woman could have had a conversation with a door.) Well, somehow we got roped into a timeshare pitch on Saturday morning. It all happened very fast, which is I'm sure how they want it to; they're all so slick and all. Like they're giving you great information on the town and being your friend when they just want to make a commission and ruin your vacay.

Saturday morning:

Group agrees we're SO not going to take more than ninety minutes there. We have places to be. (OK, not really, but us girls had shopping to do.)

Slick timeshare salesman: Hey guys, my names slick sales guy. (I can't remember his name.) What brings you guys out today.

J, our friend: A discount on a Jeep tour. (Love the honesty!)

STS: Well, I won't keep you long. Let's go upstairs and if you give me about ninety minutes of your time I'll get you on your way.

Us: OK (begrudgingly)

STS gives his pitch. Asks us a bunch of questions (surprisingly the same as what TFL asked us the day before) to which he does take notes and writes down answers. Yet, somehow manages to not answer a single one of them. We played along for awhile and then we were starting to get antsy.

Husband: What's the commitment and the cost?

STS: Well, I'm glad you asked. It's only a small monthly payment and you can finance it. And, you can will the properties to your children and put it in a trust. (All the while, never telling us what it actually costs. Funny, huh?)

This goes on for an hour. Easily. It's so aggravating because we've already flat out told the guy we are all newlyweds and not interested. STS is clearly getting annoyed with us and is not such a good salesman in our opinion. Then, this other guy, who was likely all of 25 comes over to chat us up.

STS: Let's go take a tour of a property and then you tell me what you think.

H: Fine, whatever. But, we have somewhere to be at 10:30. (By now about 80 minutes have gone by. So much for ninety minutes.)

STS (on golf cart): I'm sorry of I'm getting frustrated with you guys, but you are the kind of people who are perfect for this opportunity. (WTH?, I thought retirees were perfect for this, not newlyweds. When did people just starting their lives together become perfect for timeshares? Or, are we all perfect and just don't know it yet?)

H: STS, we just aren't so concerned with booking travel for the next fifty years. And, we may want to have families.

STS: These places are great for families. (I'm telling you, if we said it he had an answer for it. Drove me crazy)

Finally, we get back to the club house and the other guy comes over to do a full court press on us. (I'm ready for two margaritas by now!)

We finally get it though his head to that we aren't interested. I mean I felt like such a bitch just saying over and over, "we have somewhere to be." By now, we'd been there almost two hours. These people did not give a rat's ass about any other plans we had. They totally held us hostage by not giving us our vouchers. Which were "promised" to us before we saw the model. Ha!

Then, the quality control lady comes over to survey us and make us some some BS piece of paper that we understand the great deal we're passing up. (Um, thanks, I get it, now let me out of your cage!) I mention to her we have somewhere to be at 10:30. "Oh, you'll get there." was her response. (It was 10:25 at this point.) At, 10:35 we "get to go get our vouchers" that we'd already paid for! Gee, thanks! The "gifts department guy was creepy! He took his sweet ass time too. Dude, we're late for our imaginary appointment, don't cha know? We walked out more than two hours later. Gah!

All in all, if you do visit Sedona, tell everyone you meet you're on your way out of town. These people are ruthless! Ruthless! STS was so aggressive our friend felt bad when we left. He actually made her feel guilty. Creep! But, it did give us an excuse for more margaritas. Whatever it takes, right?

Phew, thanks husband for the fun trip down timeshare lane. In the future, I'll pay full retail, thanks!