I stumbled across this article and thought it was worth sharing. It discusses the single-girl friendship and how once we become coupled those relationships change. I think this is something all of us struggle with once we become engaged and then marry. Especially with our still single friends.
It's funny that I came across this since I just spent some time with a single girlfriend last weekend when we met for lunch. She's one of my friends that I used to spend a ton of time with. The kind of friend I used to walk into her house without knocking,but would feel weird doing that now that I don't see her as often. We were chatting about how long it had been since we got together and it made me a bit sad to think so much had happened in both of our lives that we needed to catch each other up on. We never have trouble picking up where we left off, it just seems there's more to catch up on since we don't talk as often.
On the other hand, I feel much closer to several of my married girlfriends. Perhaps it's that now I have more in common with them and their daily lives being a wife myself. I love that we have a few couples that we regularly double date with and it means the world to me that these friendships have grown as much as they have. And, they can relate to some of my struggles and triumphs as a newlywed having once been there themselves. There's something so reassuring about knowing the "growing pains" aren't unique to your marriage. And, my married girlfriends give me that every time I talk to them it seems.
So, I guess the question remains, how do you keep your still single girlfriends close to you and not be a constant reminder to them that you're married and they aren't? It's a tough balance since the majority of my experiences outside of work are shared with my husband and so it comes up in our conversations a lot. And, it seems so trivial to always ask if they're dating someone since in the past we would have always known that kind of stuff. It's strange to find out what's going on through Facebook, at least in my opinion.
How do you keep your friendships with your still single friends strong? We've tried to set regular lunch dates, but somehow life takes over and we miss out all too often. I'd love to hear your thoughts.
4 comments:
You know, I haven't had a ton of problems with this. My single friends generally LIKE it when I, or our other friends are in relationships (I'll be the first to be married, so we'll just say relationships here) because it means MORE guys for THEM and LESS competition from US! As for having things in common...I don't really have that problem either because there is so much we all still like.
But I can understand what growing apart from friends is like. After moving, it was really hard to keep in touch, and its only gotten worse as time goes on. I rarely talk to my friends and it makes me sad that I know so little about what is going on in their lives. But they're off doing their thing and so am I. In the end when we reconnect I know it will all come back together and I try to focus on that instead.
Great post! I struggle with that too. For some reason mine seems to be less single vs. non-single, but more making-it-on-my-own v. living-on-daddys-dime. Either way, I noticed this weekend with old, but the best, college friends that we almost escaped back to being in the "same place." We might see each other everyday or chit-chat all the time, but we were friends for a reason, and that reason hasn't changed just because our lives have. Again, great post and cheers to bffs! Xoxo-BLC
This is a great post. I'm not married and do wonder about how my relationship will be with my married friends. My best friend is getting married in September and I worry about that. We don't live in the same town and it seems like when I visit, her fiance always has to be there. I guess I'd prefer to hang out with her separately! This is a very tough topic for sure.
I just found your blog and I think this is a great post. I'm not married but we might as well be, I have been living with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. I know exactly what you mean. When youre in a seriously relationships you can't help but change. The things that you want to do on the weekends or after work are very different than when you're single. I guess this is a part of life but it definitely is hard.
I'm going to follow your blog now!
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