As I wander around the blogosphere and read about what's going on in every one's lives there seems to be one common theme: children.
This is also very prevalent in our lives as most, if not all, of our close friends and acquaintances are expecting children or already have them.
Many of you have created what you call the "Baby Bucket List". I never really thought that I had one of those, but after reading them, I think I might. And, when I say might, it's because I think we are all such planners and perfectionists that we think we can make ourselves "ready" to be parents.
Now, I truly don't want to offend anyone here, but the question that keeps coming back to my mind is this, "Are you every truly ready to be parents?"
I mean, as much as we plan and save and travel and learn, are we ever satisfied that we've done enough? I know I have LOTS of things I wanted to do before having children. Lots.
But this week I'll be 33 and I can definitely hear my biological clock ticking. Loudly. And, I keep coming to the conclusion that as often as I feel ready I feel anxious, or not ready as it may be.
And, so I have to tell myself that unless that Italian trip is actually booked, and those ten pounds actually gone and that foreign language learned, they may not happen when I want them to happen. That perhaps my plan isn't what is right for me. And, I'm okay with that.
There are a few things that I know I need to do for myself more than anything, but I'm working on them. I know that I need to be okay with where I'm at spiritually and I do feel that way most days. Could I deepen my relationship with God? Absolutely.
I also know that I need to feel comfortable in my own skin. And marriage has helped my in this area more than I ever thought it would. I've never been one to be confident and I feel like the past year and a half I have truly accepted myself. Could I eat healthier? Yes, of course. Would I like to lose the ten pounds I've gained since tying the knot? Yes. But, overall I think I'm okay with not ever being a size six. And not having perfectly toned arms.
I do know that being a truly happy person in my work life is crucial. And, that's why I've decided to chase my dream, even if I'll need to take a break when and if the time comes. But, I feel in my heart that once I've begun the journey to living out my passion, I'll make sure that I finish it.
Even if it takes longer than planned. And, I'm not going to let the people who think it's not wise to do this now sway me. I can't. It's too important to my happiness, which is important to my husband and our future family.
So, basically, it comes down to this for me - I can plan my life and how I want it to go, but in the end, I've got to be open to letting things happen as they will. It's not up to me, it's up to God and he knows what's right for me better than I ever will.
What about you? Do you/ did you have a "Baby Bucket list"?
6 comments:
Great post! We sort-of had a Baby Bucket List (like how long we wanted to wait to have kids, what we wanted to save beforehand, travelling, etc) but when you get a surprise, that list sort of goes out the window! I'm a super-planner as well, so having an unplanned pregnancy was totally crazy for me, but it's honestly been the best thing that has ever happened to me and I don't regret it for a second. Like you said, God knows me better than I ever will and he obviously knew I was ready even though I didn't.
Love reading this! I am right there with you. With everyone around me getting pregnant and the pressure starting to be on, I know i'm not ready. But then what if it "happens" and God just laughs at me?
Who knows. All I do know is that it's up to me and the Mr. Nobody else can influence us or make us feel guilty.
I agree with a lot of this, maybe even all of it :-) I think the part that I most relate to is the idea of spiritual preparedness, which is probably my biggest concern with having kids. It's a huge responsibility.
I've heard the old "you're never 100% ready to have kids" line, too. While I agree with it, I don't think that it's reason enough to go ahead and have children. I think that the decision to have kids is such a personal one, and the only ones who should have any meaningful input is you and your husband. If you guys feel ready for it, then go for it!
I hear so many women talk about how they are going to do this and this and this before having kids, and how that's just the way they expect it to happen. I have been very fortunate that I've been able to travel and live in some crazy places before having kids, but I don't feel I have any obligation to do these things first. I feel obligated to be true to myself, which means open to God's will. If God wants me to have kids before we get to go to Hawaii, then we'll just take the kids with us! :) I don't see kids as a burden, I see them as a blessing you don't understand until it happens to you.
This is a beautifully written post! We wanted to be married for a few years and sort of established in our jobs before having a child. It worked out and we now have a darling 6 yr old boy. It is such a personal thing, and then of course, you never know how easy or difficult it will be to get pregnant. For what it is worth, I think you are going about the process in a thoughtful way.
I've also heard a lot of people say that you're never REALLY ready to have kids. It is a deeply personal decision, I think, deciding whether you're "ready;" and that will mean different things to different people. I think, for us, "ready" means that we feel capable enough and financially stable enough.
There are only 2 things we have on our "Baby Bucket List" but neither has anything to do with travel or jobs. Probably because I grew up traveling a lot so I don't feel like it's such a big deal to travel with children. (Although that might be because I never had to worry about where the stroller was or whether the diaper bag was sufficiently stocked.)
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