So, this question was on Emily Post's blog on Monday:
Q: My niece is getting married soon. I hosted a wedding shower for her and bought her a nice gift. Am I also supposed to buy her a wedding gift? I will not be attending her wedding. A friend of mine tells me that you always buy a wedding gift in addition to a shower gift.
A: Yes, a shower and a wedding are two separate events. Since you hosted the shower, you were not obligated to give her a gift. Hosting the shower would be considered a gift in itself. However, an invitation to wedding requires a gift whether or not you attend.
Is this correct? Is it a regional thing?
I grew up being taught that if you bring a gift to the shower you are not obligated to being a gift to the wedding. And, I'm certain most of our guests did the same for our wedding. What have all of you been taught? Frankly, I might be less inclined to attend as many showers as I do if I'm supposed to be buying twice as many gifts!
9 comments:
Not sure if it's a regional thing since I received both gifts from Southern relatives as well, but I've always been told that gifts at both are required.
It is proper to give a shower and wedding gift. Since you aren't attending the wedding there can be a gray area there. It is nice to send a small gift even if you aren't going to the wedding and if you attend the wedding the gift should amount to the plate cost.
It's killing my budget this year because I am attending 4 weddings and showers, but I had always been told to purchase gifts for both events.
I have always known that a shower and a wedding are two seperate events. Did not know there were places that didn't do that. I'm actually stunned to hear that some people don't give 2 gifts. Maybe I'd like to live there!! HA HA :)
Well, apparently we're in the same boat. I don't usually gift at both; it's either one or the other because I don't have a ton of money. (Not that gifts have to be expensive; it just adds up very quickly when most of your friends are engaged.) I certainly didn't expect 2+ gifts from everyone; in fact, I know most of them only did one or the other. And I'm not offended or upset. Maybe it just depends on the person...?
As a bride, I was told that may people choose to give a nicer shower gift, and no gift at the wedding. While many people gave two gifts, quite a few did not. Shower gifts that didn't get followed by a wedding gift included my KitchenAid mixer, Calphalon pan set, and stuff from younger people (my friends).... Hope this helps!
When I got married, a lot of people gave both but some didn't and my mom always says people don't have to give a wedding gift if they give a shower gift. Maybe t is a regional thing?
Technically, yes, a gift is expected at the shower as well as at the wedding. However, I just budget myself accordingly. For example: If I only want to spend $30 on this person then I will bring a $20 coffee maker to the shower and give a $10 set of wooden spoons for a wedding gift.
In the tristate area (NY, NJ, CT) it is common practice to purchase a gift for a shower off of a registry and give a cash gift for a wedding. If I am not close with the person and can't make the wedding I probably wouldn't give a gift. If I am close with them and couldn't make the wedding I would definitely give a gift. These days I can't go to a wedding without giving at least $300. Of course that's a gift from two people. Times are tough for a lot of people and we can't all "cover our plate" but nothing less than $150 pp is acceptable for a Saturday night affair. Now, I didn't make the rules at all, I just follow them. I know it's different depending on where you come from. Especially if you are from this area and you are Italian, you'd never, ever purchase a gift for a wedding (that's for the shower) cash or check is what's expected.
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